Still More Excerpts From My Diary

       My wife gets offended because I cry out- "Engage!" shortly before every ejaculation. She says that this isn't very charming. What does the woman think- does she think I have a choice? I absolutely cannot discharge unless I am channeling Patrick Stewart!
       To out-duel the kissing booth next door, I have opened my own personal blowjob stand in the garage. And so I could under price my neighbors, I made all the cock sucking free. That's right- it costs absolutely nothing to visit my garage for a hummer. If you are homeless, that is. Yes- if you are a vagrant, you get your knob slobbed for nada. And that is because Jesus is the guy working the booth. Yes, it is true- I have summoned The Son Of Man from The Heavens to get all the bums off, for I believe he owes it to them for having so obviously forsaken and abandoned them all their destitute lives. I don't know if the guys next door heard that Jesus is running my booth yet- that is hard to say. But if they find out and try to trump me- I am going to make Christ blow all the invalids I can wheel down here as well.
       It's an awful feeling that first time your old lady tells you she can no longer have an orgasm without coke. But as the years wear on, well- no wait- that never gets better. Because cocaine can be very expensive- and from there on out, you never feel like you are wearing the right cock.
       Oh man- just answered the door buck-naked again. And I had a fifth of gin in my hand, and half of our pet ferret's torso dangling from my ass. Luckily it was only our neighbor, asking me to turn down the Sepultura a couple of notches so he could take a nap. What a break- I was worried that it might be our ferret's mother!